You’re out for the evening, enjoying some food and drink with friends. Isn’t it wonderful to actually have some fun for once, you think to yourself as you look furtively at the other patrons. And then, seemingly from out of nowhere, comes the end of your good time. He is strutting toward you with that smug, self-assured air that only works in romance novels. In real life, it translates 100 percent of the time into a bona fide jerk. But you chide yourself for your rash judgment, deciding to give the person a chance. With a smarmy smile, he sashays up to you and delivers, with supreme self-confidence, one of the following lines.
Take your pick; they’re all so cheesy that they could stretch in an unbroken string from New York to Sydney, Australia.
- Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let’s go screw.
- Just call me milk, I’ll do your body good.
- Are you sure your body’s not named Visa, because that’s everywhere I want to be.
- My name isn’t Fred Flintstone, but I can still make your bed rock.
- If you’ll be my Dairy Queen, I’ll be your Burger King. Treat me right and I’ll do it your way.
- I’m a maintenance engineer, and I’d love to tinker with your parts.
- Are you from Pearl Harbor? You must be because you’re “the bomb.”
- If you were a new McDonald’s hamburger, they would call you McKnockout.
- Wow, is that Windex? I can see myself in your pants.
- I’m a bird watcher and I’m looking for a Big Breasted Bed Rocker. I think I’ve just found one.
- Wanna play house with me? You be the front door and I’ll slam you until sunrise.
- Don’t worry about regretting this in the morning. We’ll just sleep until afternoon.
- Oh my gosh, I thought that name tag of yours was written in Braille.
- Excuse me, I was wondering if I could have your phone number. I can’t seem to find mine.
- I just moved to the area. Could you give me directions to your house?
- I love every bone in your body, especially mine.
- It’s okay if you’re not the prettiest girl in the room; beauty is only another drink away.
- Are you Jamaican? Because Jamaican me crazy.
- Do you want to hear my love recipe: One cup of you, one cup of me, knead until hard. Then serve hot.
- Are your legs tired? Because you have been racing through my mind ever since you walked in tonight.
- Hi, my name is —. Remember it, because you’ll be screaming it all night long.
- I’m wondering if you can help me find my lost puppy. I think he ran into this cheap motel room.
- Hi, my name is Skippy. I stick to the roof of your mouth just like peanut butter.
- Hi, my name is Pogo. How about taking a ride on my stick?
- I hear that sex is the best cure for headaches. I have a migraine. Wanna go to my place and work on a cure?
- That’s a pretty shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
- I’m an anthropologist conducting a field test of how many women in this room have pierced nipples.
- Wow, I’m going to put you on my to-do list.
- Maybe I’m weird, but I just can’t help picturing you naked.
- Baby, I want to wear you like a pair of sunglasses: one leg over each ear.
- How about going 50-50 on a rape charge?
- I just put clean sheets on my bed. Wanna come help me create some dirty laundry?
- Hey honey, tell your nipples to stop pointing right at my eyes.
- Do you like fruit? I’ve got two apples and a banana that I’d love to share with you.
- Hi honey. There’s a party in my pants and you’re invited!
- How are you feeling? If you think you feel good, you should feel me.
- Are you drunk enough to be taken advantage of?
- Excuse me, I need to speak with you, Miss. I’m an agent with the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators. You’re going to need to assume the position back at my place.
- Do you like gossip and rumors? I didn’t think so. Let’s just go to my place and do the things I’m already going to tell people we did anyway.
- I have an app on my cell phone that says you’re not wearing any panties. You are? Darn, it must be on Central time.
- I’m a wrestler; let me take you down.
- There are 206 bones in the human body. Would you like another one?
- Are you free tonight or is it going to cost me?
- Do you work with computers? Because you just turned my software into hardware.
- Do you like my shirt? Feel it: it’s boyfriend material.
- Wow, your bone structure is giving my bone structure.
- You must have been forged in the fires of Mount Doom because you’re precious.
- Do you have a library card? Because I’m checking you out.
- Can I get a picture of you for my friends to prove that I really did meet the most beautiful woman in the world?
- I know it’s nighttime, but I could have sworn that the sun just came out. Or did you just smile at me?
Stupid, funny, corny or filthy, the intent of all of these lines is to capture your interest and motivate you to have a conversation. Unfortunately, he’s definitely going to need to consult a relationship specialist and a wordsmith before any of his forays into socializing with the opposite sex have any results. In the meantime, you don’t need to worry about thinking up a stinging reply. Just turn your back and walk away. After all, actions speak louder than words.