Top 30: Blonde Jokes

Warning: Reader discretion advised

The dumb blonde is a popular-culture derogatory stereotype usually applied to blonde-haired women. The archetypical “dumb blonde”, while viewed as attractive and popular, has been criticized as lacking in both common street-sense and academic intelligence.  The dumb blonde stereotype is frequently used in the popular blonde jokes.

Blonde jokes have been criticized as sexist, as most blondes in these jokes are female, although male variations also exist. Research indicates that because of this, men find blonde jokes significantly more amusing than women.

Many blonde jokes are variations on other stereotypical jokes. Blonde jokes nearly always take the format of the blond(e) placing himself or herself in an unusual situation, performing a silly act because he or she misconstrued the meaning of how an activity is supposed to play out, or making a comment that serves to highlight his or her supposed promiscuity and/or lack of intelligence, cluelessness, and clumsiness.

Numerous actresses have played characters labelled as “dumb blondes”, famously including Marilyn Monroe, Jean Harlow, Jayne Mansfield, Marie Wilson and Judy Holiday.

30. Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton for hours?
Because she noticed the word “concentrate” on the container.

29. How long did it take a blonde to screw in a light-bulb?
I don’t know, she’s still looking in the phone book for a guy named Lightbulb.

28. Why do blondes drive BMW’s?
Because they are easy to spell

27. What does a blonde say when she finds out she’s pregnant?
Gee, I hope it’s mine.

26. How do you keep a blonde busy for 7 hours?
Give her a piece of paper that has the words “Turn Over” on both sides

25. What it’s called when a blonde blows in another blond’s ear?
Data transfer.

24. How did the blonde die at the baseball game?
She drowned during the wave.

23. A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.
They were all talking one day and the brunette says “Oh my gosh y’all I went through my daughter’s purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed”
They comfort her, and the redhead says “Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter’s purse. I cannot believe she has one”. So they all comfort her.
Then the blonde says “That’s nothing. I found a condom in my daughter’s purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis”

22. The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”

21. How do you know a blonde’s having a bad day?
Her tampon is behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil.

20. What are the two hardest years in a blonde’s life?
Sixth grade.

19. If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
The brunette – the blonde would have to stop for directions!

18. A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
“Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!”
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
“If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?”
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, “157.”
The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
“If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”

17. Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
She missed.

16. Why would a blonde wear green lipstick
Because red means stop!

15. A blond, a brunette and a redhead were at the top of a cliff looking down at the beach.
Suddenly a genie appears to them and says “I will grant you each one wish if you’ll jump off the side of this cliff.”
So the redhead jumps off and shouts “Seagull” and turns into a seagull and flies away.
Then the brunette jumps off and shouts “Whale” and turns into a whale, falls into the sea and swims away.
Finally the blond runs towards the cliff edge, but trips at the last second, as as she falls she shouts out “Shit”

14. How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day?
Give her a bottle of shampoo that says “Lather, rinse, repeat”.

13. Why did the blonde sell her car?
To get gas money

12. How do you get a one armed blond out of a tree?
Wave to her.

11. How does a blond know if she’s on her way home or on her way to work?
She opens her lunch box to see if there is anything in it.

10. What did the blonde do when she got her period?
Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her.

9. A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke.
A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,
“You dumb blonde bimbo! It’s blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I’d come out there and give you what’s coming to you!”

8. How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
I’ll tell you tomorrow.

7. Why can’t the blonde make ice cubes?
She lost the recipe.

6. What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

5. A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45.
The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied, “You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer.”

4. How did the blond try to kill the fish?
She drowned it.

3. Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.

2. A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm.
As she passed the bus stop, someone asked, “Where did you get that?”
The pig replied, “I won her in a raffle!”

1. How do you hit a blonde so she will never know it?
With a thought.